Falling pregnant came very easy to us. I fell pregnant with Lamb in the third month of trying, and Bear, well Bear was first try. But not everyone has an easy ride with fertility.
To someone who hasn’t experienced fertility issues, or maybe someone who isn’t a parent, ‘having a baby’ might not seem like such a complex matter. But it is.
A really complex matter to a hell of a lot of people.
There’s so many reasons why falling pregnant might be the hardest thing in the world for someone. It could be medical, circumstantial, even financial. Some couples may need fertility treatments with sperm donation or egg donation. Some just simply can’t fall pregnant naturally and need help with IVF.
Sometimes there isn’t even an explanation. But whatever the reason is, being reminded of the struggle can be incredibly painful.
“I remember the Sainsbury’s delivery man telling me that I should get a wriggle on and give Little Miss H a sibling. It was a few days after my third miscarriage. I think I smiled and nodded. But my heart was breaking“. http://mrshsfavouritethings.com
“I constantly get comments about how lucky I am to pop babies out one after the other as though it has been so easy for me. People have no idea of the 15 babies we lost to miscarriage or that our second son was stillborn, they just see our four children and think they know it all“. www.fivelittledoves.com
“When I was struggling to conceive (and not long after an ectopic pregnancy) I was playing with my young nephews in a soft play. My brother asked when I was going to start a family, then laughed and made a joke about me being ‘barren’ “. www.yorkshirewonders.co.uk
Put yourself in their position. What may seem like such an innocent comment, and in most cases it is, can be like a knife in the heart to someone. A reminder of the pain and struggle trying to have a baby has caused.
Over the past few years I’ve learned be careful around the things I say to people about starting a family. Friends that have been together a while but don’t have children. Friends that have a child, but the child has no sibling.
You see, a few years ago I would have said things like “when you will try for a baby?”, to even the best of friends, believing it was a simple and natural thing to ask. But fast forward my 4 years of blogging and I’ve been exposed to stories that have changed my approach to these sorts of subjects. I find myself treading on eggshells around the topic of fertility.
How do we know that someone hasn’t been trying to fall pregnant for years, but yet still has no baby? How do we know that?
We don’t. We don’t know, because the suffering can be torturous and not something people openly discuss. They don’t need the reminder. They don’t need the questions.
So lets all think twice before we ask.
“I’ve been told “Boy you left it quite late didn’t you?” because I’m 35 and just had my first. I’ve also been asked if I’m “worried you’ll be too old to enjoy your grandkids”. It took us almost 10 years to conceive him with fertility treatment, not that anyone should be judging what age someone decides to start a family anyway!” www.welshmum.co.uk
“It took us 7 years to get our second child and for 7 years we had to listen to “don’t let her be an only child” “she’ll be lonely” “Don’t you want another?!” We finally got our 2nd one I quit work to look after her to then be asked “won’t you struggle?” “Don’t you want any me time” “oh I couldn’t give up my freedom of going to work” plenty of eye rolling from us!” www.ablogs-life.co.uk
“When we adopted about 5 different people said to me “at least you don’t have to go through labour” I’d also had it said a few times when people found out I was infertile.“ Instantmumoftwo.com
* Collaborative post