Part 2 – “We all go through it, we all get over it” – Alex.
I was totally prepared for the baby blues after birth, or so I thought. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. I remember my sister-in-law suffering with them after my nephew was born, but she shut herself away. So I wasn’t really aware of what it was like – until I was experiencing them myself, and boy, did I get it bad.
About a week after Jaxson was born the crying started. Uncontrollable crying. This was the worst part for me. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I had to turn visitors away (although not as much as I should have, looking back).
I felt numb. That’s the only way I can describe it. I had no feelings for anything, not even Jaxson. It’s taken me a long time to admit that.
I now know this is totally normal. My hormones were all over the place. I lost my appetite, was struggling to breast-feed, and had gone without sleep for over a week (by this point). Who wouldn’t feel numb?!
I just remember feeling like someone had turned a tap on. Here come the tears! Oh wait, now they’ve stopped. The crying must have lasted around two weeks or so, but it took me a lot longer to start feeling normal, and enjoy my bundle of joy.
Joe, my partner, was amazing. We both read about the blues before Jaxson was born, so he was as prepared as he could be for when they hit me. I remember watching him with Jaxson, giving him little kisses on the forehead, even excited to change his nappy. Superdad comes to mind. Me, however, wanted to curl up in a little ball and disappear. This made it harder for me, watching what I was supposed to be doing or feeling, when instead I felt nothing.
As horrific as it was, I remember the first time I truly felt unconditional love for Jaxson (other than when he was handed to me in the delivery room – nothing compares to that). A wave of love rushed through me just as strong as when the crying came. I knew at this point the difficult part was over. The blues were going and my true feelings were taking over. I looked at him and couldn’t look long enough; I couldn’t get enough of him.
The baby blues are such a minor part of motherhood, even though at the time you think they will never end. And if they last a bit longer than you would expect, then there are plenty of people willing to help you through it.
From my experience of the blues, my advice to you is…
1. Do not bottle up the tears; cry, cry and cry again.
2. Sleep when the baby sleeps (easier said than done, I know.)
3. Make the most of your health visitor. The chats are about both parent and baby. So get any worries off your chest. If you are feeling depressed (there’s that dreaded word) tell them. They won’t judge you.
4. Be prepared; stock up on food, drink, snacks, comfy clothes, DVDs, magazines. Anything that will take your mind off how you’re feeling, and most importantly make you smile.
5. Avoid too many visitors. Close family; you need them around you for support. But friends, neighbors and anyone else can wait. They will understand. And if they don’t – tough!
6. Finally, when you are ready, get out of the house. Start with a walk to the shop, or round the block. The next day go a bit further. Each day you will build up more and more confidence about going out, and sooner or later those blues will be a thing of the past.
If you are feeling low, and you’re starting to really struggle don’t suffer alone, talk to family and friends and visit your doctor. Here’s the NHS link on how they can help.
Alex xXx
Photo credit: 34th Street Wall Graffiti Sad Face Your by cdsessums. (Under this creative commons license).
Such a great post, thanks for being so honest. I cried a lot after I had my first baby but only for 1 day with my second, it’s funny how every experience is so different x #FlashbackFriday
Thank you, it means a lot when people comment about my more honest posts. They aren’t easy to write are they! I know a few mums who didn’t suffer with their seconds. Hopefully I have an easier time when I have another! x
I just want to say firstly well done for writing such a honest and personal post. I think it’s great that you have opened up and hopefully this will reach those in need. Thanks so much for linking up to #FlashbackFriday – hope to see you pop over again xx
Thank you for commenting. Every time I read this post it brings a tear to my eye. Such a difficult time, but a time that doesn’t last forever. Looking forward to linking up next week xx
I suffered from the baby blues with my first.
Great tips for dealing with it. I know a lot of people moan about their HV but the good ones are really worth their weight in gold xxx
Absolutely, you really should make use of your HV while you can as they don’t stick around forever! I fear I’ll have the blues when I have another babe, but am also confident I’ll be able to deal with them better. Thanks for commenting xx
Very brave post, I struggled with PND for months before I even realised what was wrong and then I wasn’t sure how to open up about it. I think it’s important that people share their experience as it certainly helps others to open up!
Thanks for linking up with #throwbackthursday
Thank you. It still brings a tear to my eye reading this post. I’m so glad I got over the blues (although I still have the odd sad day!) I have never been to the Doc or anything, but I certainly struggle for a while. X
It can be a hard thing to admit when you don’t feel quite as happy-go-lucky and over-the-moon in love with your child as you think you should. We’re presented this image of super-happy moms who want nothing more than to be mothers and it can make the feelings so much worse. I had it rough with postpartum depression. In fact, it wasn’t until very recently–with my daughter being nearly 2–that I gathered up the courage to get the help I needed. As much as the doctors warn you about it, it’s still so hard to recognize it when your depression is also clouded over with guilt at not feeling the way you think you should.
Thank you for sharing your experience! The more we normalize it, the easier it will be for other women to overcome these struggles!
Stopping by from Throwback Thursdays Linkup 🙂
I’m suffering from PND, its not a very nice thing to have when all you want to do is enjoy the special first few months of your baby. Well done for being brave enough to admit it all and talk about it 🙂 I wrote about my experience too on my blog, would love it if you checked it out xx
http://pepperandtherobinsons.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/having-baby-blues.html?m=0
Hi Ellie, thanks so much for your comment. It’s so nice to hear from other mums who read our posts. I still get a lump in my throat when I read my post on baby blues, it’s such a sensitive subject. So many mums don’t talk about how their feeling. I’ve read your post, well done for getting help. How are you feeling now? Alex xx
Thank you! It is such a sensitive subject that I don’t think anyone truly understands until they go through it. I am feeling a lot better now thank you, time is a great healer! Ellie xx
So glad you are feeling better. I’ve never been diagnosed with PND but I certainly have my bad days, and experienced bad baby blues at the beginning. I’m sure every parent has bad days, don’t ever feel alone with this. Lamb is 14 months and has just started walking and I’m starting to really enjoy being a mum again. Had such a touch time for the past few months xxx