A-Z Blogger Challenge – D is for Daddy

Being a Daddy can be tough. I mean, generally they are expected to work to provide for the family, but still bond and build a relationship with their children.

We are going through a rough patch with Lamb and his Daddy at the moment. Lamb has the best friendship with his dad, during the day they are inseparable. It helps that Daddy Lamb is a big kid and is more than happy to run around pretending to be an Avenger or build dens in the garden. The thing is, when it comes to bedtime Lamb pushes him away. Literally.

It’s been going on for a couple of months now and has been breaking his Dads heart. Being told “I don’t want you”, “I want mummy” or “not you” every night must be like torture. I’ve shed a few tears watching or hearing this. It’s painful.

My husband doesn’t show his emotions much. He didn’t cry at our wedding, he didn’t cry when Lamb was born, or at least not in front of me anyway. But this brings out his emotions more than I’ve seen with anything else. No, he doesn’t cry, but he gets angry. The other day he even left the house, he couldn’t hear it anymore, and I don’t blame him.

The way Lamb is has really opened my eyes to how difficult it must be for dads. Of course it could be the same for mums if they work full time and the dad stayed at home, I’m just writing from our personal experience.

With Daddy Lambs new job he often has to lodge away, which we believe makes the situation worse. I stay at home and am in charge of looking after Lamb day and night, while Daddy disappears for a few days and when he returns our family routine is expected to go back to normal. Well, that doesn’t seem to be the case for Lamb. It seems to be affecting him, and when he’s tired or sad he just wants his mummy.

There will soon be another child in our family, and my husband and I are a little worried about how our dynamics will be affected. Right now Lamb asks to hold my hand to fall asleep. I do it when I know I shouldn’t, but trust me when I say the easy way out is all I care about at this stage of my pregnancy. The problem is I’m making things worse. I’ve tried explaining to Lamb that when his brother is here I won’t have the time to cuddle him to sleep or hold his hand. I’ll be looking after the baby. It will be Daddy taking over Lambs bedtime routine, for the early weeks at least.

I know my husband is affected by all of this, but what worries me the most is the thought of it continuing when baby number 2 arrives. I will hopefully be breastfeeding which means I will be responsible for the baby the majority of the time, so he will need to take care of Lamb more. But what if the rejection continues?

I know we are soft with him. People have told us enough, but you don’t need to, we are well aware of it. We need to learn to put our foot down. Don’t get me wrong, we not the softest parents in the world, but Lamb hasn’t been the easiest of kids. Right from the start we had hurdles to jump and I suppose we’ve got into the habit of doing what makes our lives easier so we can get through the day.

I know that’s why I give in to him wanting cuddles and holding his hand at bedtime (this is only a recent thing though so I’m hoping he will grow out of it soon). The same goes with the way he is with Daddy at night, maybe it’s just a phase?

When I see the way he is with him it truly breaks my heart. My husband has been hands on since day one. In fact, he bonded with Lamb before I did. In the hospital I refused to hold him. I now know this is probably down to the pain relief I had as my friend experienced something similar. I just didn’t want to hold him. I rolled over and closed my eyes. I remember my husband asking if I wanted to hold him and me literally saying no. I was scared. I was tired. I was drowsy. I was in shock.

Daddy spent hours bonding with his son and soaking up all of the brand new-ness that I was rejecting.

When we brought Lamb home, my husband would wake up for every feed, just so he could experience everything. He would make notes of the times he fed, the nappies we changed, which boob I fed from.  He wanted to be a part of everything. I can’t fault him as a father.

Now for me to hear the words “I don’t want daddy” brings tears to my eyes because all he has ever done is want Lamb. I’m constantly finding myself saying “poor daddy” and I can’t wait for the day I no longer have to say that.

I know this won’t last forever, and like I said earlier, during the day (on weekends) they are inseparable. When Daddy isn’t here Lamb asks for him all of the time, and I tell my husband this to reassure him that the way Lamb is must be just a phase, but right now this is real and it’s painful.

Daddy Lamb you are incredible. You love your son so much it shines and I couldn’t ask for a better person to make babies with 🙂 Here’s to the next chapter of parenting. Our second son will soon be here and we will be faced with new challenges, but with teamwork I know we can do this.

Ax