It took me a long time to get the courage to try for another baby. It wasn’t something that came naturally to me. Mainly because of my struggles with Lamb in the early days. I certainly didn’t have an easy ride.
Looking back there was always a hurdle to jump, there was rarely a time when I wasn’t worried about something. Unfortunately this resulted in my own form of post natal depression. I wasn’t diagnosed, I wasn’t medicated, but looking back I know I was struggling.
Now my head is clear (and has been for a while) I’ve been able to think about baby number 2. We decided to try spontaneously, there was no long term planning. We just went for it, and happen to fall pregnant straight away!
To be honest I think this was the best way for us. No time to change our minds! We knew we wanted more children, but we would always think about how I felt when Lamb was a baby and wonder if we should wait a little longer.
Let’s be honest, there’s never ‘a right time’ to have a baby. There’s always going to be something getting in your way, something that causes concern, but no matter when you have a baby, you will faces some challenges, whether that be financially, emotionally, or physically, so I say just go for it if it’s what you want! A baby will mould into your life seamlessly with plenty of love and care.
Even though we are having baby number 2, and are super excited for his arrival, I still have my worries. Things that I struggled with when Lamb was a baby that I fear will happen again. I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned over the past (almost) 3 years and what I might do differently to make our lives is a little easier.
- Breastfeeding. When I was pregnant with Lamb I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but it didn’t quite go to plan. I’ve spoken about this a few times on the blog and you can read about my struggles here. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone, as much as you may want it to. As much as I want to breastfeed baby number 2, after my experience with Lamb, I know it may not be possible. For this reason I’m going to be prepared. I’ll have shields, bottles and a pump ready for when he’s born. If he doesn’t latch I know he can get my milk another way. Of course I’ll be disappointed that I can’t feed him myself, but I won’t blame myself if it doesn’t work out. I’m pro happiness. I’ve wrote about this in more detail here.
- Weaning. I think this is probably one thing I’m most scared about with baby number 2. I really struggled with weaning Lamb. I started by following Annabel Karmel recipes and made so much food for him. Baby led weaning completely baffled me, I just couldn’t get my head around what I could/couldn’t give him! I blame myself for how bad his eating is. I know it was probably inevitable that he would be a fussy eater, but I do think my fear of weaning didn’t help. I wrote this post on weaning tips and advice – if only I knew nothing was going to help. I’ve learned a few lessons from weaning Lamb, and hope I don’t struggle second time round.
- Colic. Lamb struggled with colic quite badly, until he was around 6 months. Luckily for us Infacol saved the day and kept him happy and pain free. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a struggle. We had a number of occasions where we experienced a ‘colic cry’. Wow, colic cries are painful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The poor thing was helpless. We learned that using a combination of anti-colic bottles, infacol and winding well really helped. With baby number 2 we will be prepared an look out for the signs of colic.
- Sleep Routine. When Lamb was a newborn he fed every 2 hours day and night. I don’t mind if that happens again, a baby feeds when they need to feed. Ok, so it will be tough on me is baby number 2 feeds every 2 hours too, but it won’t last forever. For me I’m worried about getting baby into a sleep routine and him sleeping through the night. Lamb started sleeping through at around 6 months (he started dropping feeds at 4 1/2 months). However things changed when he turned 1. He suddenly started waking in the night again asking for milk, and he’s never properly slept through the night since – he’s 3 in march! I really hope we are more strict with baby number 2 and don’t give in to milk demands. You can read about our sleep training with Lamb here.
- Post Natal Depression. Of course I am worried about getting post natal depression with baby number 2. I wasn’t diagnosed with Lamb but I was definitely struggling. During the first trimester of this pregnancy I suffered with a bit of anxiety, and my main worry was feeling like I did when Lamb was a baby. I do not want to go through those feelings again. I want to enjoy my new baby from day one, not month 16! But, if it does happen again, which I’m expecting, I’ll be prepared. I’ll look out for the signs, I’ll speak to my HV and family. I’ll look at what helped with Lamb and do those things again. You can read about my experience with baby blues here.
Right now I’m feeling good about having a newborn again, really good. Although I’m feeling worried about the above, I’m also feeling prepared. My mind is open and I know things aren’t always straightforward. What all of us mums need to remember is there is always someone to talk to if you’re struggling with something.
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I can relate to so much of your experiences with Lamb as I went through similar with Noah. I struggled big time. But second time around everything has been so different and so much easier. Fingers crossed it will be for you too x
Thank you, it seems everyone has the same opinion that I’ll find the second time easier, fingers crossed! xx
Once a mother/woman makes a decision to have a baby its a naturally beautiful experience. There are many things to learn plus get accustomed too but its all worth it. Glad you made the decision. Congrats
Thank you xx
Very courageous of you to open up about you’re feeling about baby no.2.
I’m not even pregnant yet (the chance would be a fine thing) but I already worry about feeding the next baby because I know how upset I was about not being able to breastfeed my daughter.
It sounds like you are in a good place and I hope your future as a family of four is filled with happiness. xx
Thank you. Sometimes writing down my feelings like this really gets me thinking and I feel so much better about my concerns. xx
Worrying is natural. I have my hot points too and I can’t wait until they are ‘achieved’ if you can call it that. I hope you have a better experience this time round. I won’t say I found it easier, but things felt more natural second time around xx
Yes maybe it will all come more naturally to me second time round, the first time certainly didn’t! xx
Congratulations! We always intended to have two, quite close together, but I got pregnant without knowing six months after my first was born. We didn’t intend them quite that close but, as you say, there are always worries and reasons not to do it, but actually you’ll make it work. Funnily enough, my first weaned so easily and then second was really, really hard work – maybe yours will go the other way! But certainly what happens with first is no indication of what will happen with another! I breastfed both mine, but I did have a lot of trouble with latching. With first it was really hard for weeks. Shields helped a bit, but it was literally hour upon hour, running into each other, trying to get a latch only for her to drop it immediately. Second had some latching problems, and I thought she maybe had tongue tie for a while as she caused loads of pain and gagged easily (she didn’t but they did agree that she had an unusually sensitive gag reflex), but it was a lot easier because I was more relaxed about it. I think you panic with first, but by second you realise that their nutritional needs in the first few days are small & they will not starve because it is hard to get breastfeeding going, so you don’t put so much pressure on trying to force it. (& if it doesn’t work out, they have a bottle and will still be perfectly fine!)
I’m sure it will all work out fine, try not to worry, enjoy the excitement.
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I definitely panicked with my first, but this time round hopefully I’ll just accept everything as it comes and deal with it better. If he can’t latch then I won’t let myself feel like a failure, it is what it is. Thank you 🙂 xxx
Oh bless you, I’ve not been through any of it as i’ve not got any children but I do worry about when i get pregnant in the future about these sort of things! I wish you all the best for your little one on the way it will be amazing! I hope you don’t suffer depression this time around, i have my fingers crossed for you xxx
Thank you 🙂 you comment means a lot xx
I am sure you will be fine – try not to worry and to enjoy your pregnancy. You seem well prepared so that will feel reassuring too. Kaz x
I am finally enjoying this pregnancy (other than the constant heartburn!) xx
I found with my second baby that I was just a lot more chilled out. So weaning and things stressed me out less x
Hopefully I’ll be a lot more chilled this time too 🙂 xx
Such a heart felt blog post. Thank you for sharing. You seem in a good place and ready for anything with baby No.2. I think being prepared and accepting that you’ll change if something isn’t working is half the battle. Good luck with it all hunny xxx
Thank you for your comment 🙂 I do feel like i’m in a good place right now and I’m ready for the challenge of having a newborn! xx
Oh bless you. I am trying out Breastfeeding for the first time. I bottle fed my other two.
I suffered with depression for a good few months. It’s hard but I do find walking and getting up and doing things help (but easier said than done, right?)
My first didn’t have colic and my second did. It was awful. So hopefully new baby wont have it for you lovely.
Hope you don’t suffer with depression this time round. Cross fingers for you and good luck lovely x
Thank you, your comment means a lot 🙂 Definitely easier said than done, but getting out the house is vital when you have a newborn. I’ll be signing up to plenty of baby/toddler groups to keep Lamb occupied and get me out of the house! xx
I felt some of this and more when I was pregnant with my second. Although I didn’t have the same issues as you, it’s daunting. What I will say is every child is so different I knew this when I was expecting but didn’t truly appreciate it until my daughter was born. Take breastfeeding I totally struggled why my son & in the end managed with combination feeding. So that was something I really worried about. My daughter latched on & we didn’t look back – not even a cracked nipple! Also you have experience this time around. Exciting times ahead x
Exactly, I have to keep telling myself every child is different. One thing I really hope is this baby latches without problems x
Although I don’t know from experience, I can full well imagine how much more daunting a second baby is – but I think feeling prepared to face the obstacles you may encounter better enables you to deal with them. Whereas I am blissfully entering motherhood completely clueless and ignorant – you know. You’ve done it before and you know you can do it again. Excited to share this journey with you. We’ll get through it – the wonderful bits and the harder bits. LPMx
Thank you 🙂 I’m sure I will face everything head on and cope much better this time round, but you can’t help but worry with kids can you?! xx