This time last year I had just finished wrapping your presents, icing your cupcakes and blowing up your balloons. Exactly how tonight has ended. Only tonight I feel different. Tonight I feel utter joy and happiness about the special day that will soon be upon us. Tonight I am holding back tears from the overwhelming rush of love I am feeling for you.
But let’s rewind. This time last year you couldn’t walk. This time last year you couldn’t talk. This time last year you couldn’t even crawl. Life was difficult and I wasn’t doing too well with it all.
Mummy struggled with her emotions. I had my happy days, I had my sad days, I had my can’t get out of bed days. Let’s set something straight. Mummy wasn’t ill, and didn’t need help, she just struggled every now and then.
Your first birthday was tainted with my fear of failing and the feeling of not being able to cope. When you look at photos I am smiling, and those smiles are totally genuine, but I could only give you 80%, as there was 20% of me who didn’t feel right.
It’s now a year on and I can reflect on the last year and see how far I have come. There is no fear of failing, no feeling of “I can’t do this”, just pure happiness and excitement.
You are the most precious thing in my life, and turning two is a milestone I will never forget. Gone are the days when I break down because you’re throwing a tantrum. I now watch you with a smile on my face and amuse myself over the minor detail that had caused you to scream in the first place. Yes, it can be as minor as giving you the wrong juice cup.
This year you have my complete attention. This year I won’t be drifting off into thoughts of giving up. This year I’m going to be like a kid in a candy shop when you open your presents. This year I can give you 100%.
Love mummy x