Being An Attachment Parent {Guest Post}

I am a 25 year old wife of five and a half years; and mummy to a beautiful little girl who turned two in February 2016, and our second daughter who was born in December 2016.

When I was first given the opportunity to write a guest post for Alex, here at Lamb and Bear, I wasn’t sure what to write about. She completely left me to my own devices – the second time it has happened recently when writing guest posts for others!

After a plenty of deliberation, I decided that I would write about my style of parenting. Most of how I have ended up raising my children is in the form of what is often referred to as, ‘attachment parenting’ or as my husband likes to call it, ‘hippy parenting’. (Haha!)

BEING AN ATTACHMENT PARENT

Being an attachment parent comes with both pros and cons. Most of the pros surround the amazing enjoyment and bond with your child that you get out of it. Most of the cons surround other people and their judgement of your parenting choices.

I didn’t mean to become an attachment parent… in fact when I was pregnant with our eldest daughter I set out strict plans of how our parenting would happen. The two major points (of the many that we didn’t actually stick to!) were as follows:

1. We would use a Moses basket for three months, she would then be in her own room.
2. I would breastfeed for six months, and then she would be weaned.

We did use a Moses basket, just as I planned. However… We co-slept for almost four months in the end. This doesn’t seem to bad on the surface, and you may think, “wow, only a month out from the plan”; but the reality is, even now (when she is turning three in February) we will occasionally bed share with her. This is generally when she is not feeling well, and she will take over 2/3 of our king size bed with my hubby and I balanced on either edge.

When it came to breastfeeding, the plan went straight out of the window. I enjoyed it – and had no issues such as pain or mastitis – so I saw no reason to just stop at six months. Due to this, we went on for nine and a half months, at which point the only reason we stopped was because she self-weaned. This meant almost four extra months were added to my plan.

Even my own family found this a little strange. I guess this is because we are accustomed to such a short breastfeeding journey, since the UK has the shortest average time for doing so in Europe. The recommendation is that you breastfeed until they are at least one, as it still has benefits to your child. Thus I don’t think it was a bad thing that I fed R for as long as I did!

There was other areas that we ended up ‘attachment parenting’ in too. More often than not, our daughter would end up being carried instead of being in her pushchair. My husband and I both did skin to skin long after the early newborn days when they encourage it because it helps with the bonding phase. I even shared baths with her, right up to recently, just before giving birth to our youngest.

The reality is, you can’t plan for what parenting style will work for you; or what will work for your child. I have no idea what will happen with this baby, after all, she was only born in December. It may be very different to my first experience.

I have already, however, started out as an attachment parent. We have a bed sharing crib in the form of our Snuz. I am breastfeeding on demand, which means anything from every ten minutes to every four hours. I baby wear using our Tula stretchy wrap, which means I can still get housework done and look after my toddler.

When people ask about how things are going, and what we are doing in certain areas, I of course tell them the above. Cue the ‘advice’ and comments about how we are creating a problem for ourselves in the future and how we need to change our style.

Time will tell if my attachment parenting will continue with Little L; and who knows if I will do so with any future children we may have. However it certainly won’t be dictated by what other people think. It will be whatever works for my husband, my baby and me.

Ultimately, I don’t think it matters what style you choose. We are bed sharing with Little L which people seem to think will mean she will want to sleep in our bed forever, however we only co slept with R and she still comes to our bed sometimes. I think that as long as your baby is loved, cared for and healthy that is the most important thing.

When it comes to parenting, there is no right or wrong way. There is only your way. What has worked for me, may not work for you. It may not even work from one of my children to the next.

So the next time someone tells you that you are, “making a rod for your own back” or tries to give you advice starting with, “when I had my children…”, politely tell them exactly where they can place their counsel!