Some of you may know I was recently made redundant without notice. One day I’m a part time fashion designer (kind of, I did a bit of everything), the next I’m a stay at home mum. Wowsers. Shock to the system.
It’s been about a month now since my last day at work and I’m starting to get used to this full time mummy malarky. I’m actually quite shocked at how well I’ve taken to being a stay at home mum.
Firstly because I didn’t spend 6 years in further/higher education to give up my career and stay at home. Secondly, because it’s bloody hard! Or so I thought.
I think the reason I’m writing this blog post is because I’m quite proud of myself for adapting to such a huge change in my life. I question what made me think being a stay at home mum would be so difficult?
I went back to work when Lamb was 10 months old and I couldn’t wait to get back. I was struggling with what I call extended baby blues (basically undiagnosed PND) and was desperate for the few days away from my emotions; at work I switched into career mode (most of the time).
When Lamb was around 16 months I started to feel much better in myself and more confident as a mother. I say with some confidence I’m much better at handling toddlers than I am babies.
As Lamb has got older I’ve become more and more in love with him. To the point where I have tears in my eyes. Such an extreme emotion compared to how I used to feel.
I think what I’m trying to say it how shocked I am at how well I’ve taken to being at home full time. I’m not pulling my hair out, I’m not emotionally unstable, I’m not feeling like I used to.
I can do this.
It’s got me thinking about which is more difficult. Working mum or stay at home mum?
My answer: neither and both.
We all adapt to our own situations. No one is better than anyone else. We all have our struggles and no one is worse off than anyone else, because we are all different and shouldn’t be compared.
Personally I thought being a stay at home mum would be much harder. (Maybe I’ll write this post again once baby number 2 arrives 😉 ) When I was working, I found my days off with Lamb rushed and stressful. Trying to be a ‘good mum’ when I had time with him. Arts & crafts, trips out, activities. I put pressure on myself to prove, well, I’m not sure what, but I was trying to prove something.
I feel a huge weight has been lifted. I wasn’t happy in my job. I went work, earned a crap wage, but a crap one that just about paid my credit cards and Lambs nursery fees, so a wage that was necessary. Now, even though I’m the poorest I’ve ever been (nothing goes into my bank account now) I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
So my answer is this. Being a stay at home mum is hard. Being a working mum is hard. But life is what you make of it, and I’m embracing this time I have with my son (especially before his brother or sister arrives).
Being 13 weeks pregnant and unemployed has put me in an awkward situation. Do I get a new job? Do I stick with being a stay at home mum?
In a matter of weeks I’ll be receiving my first delivery for my children’s clothing line, so I’ll have that to concentrate on and promote. But that’s not going to pay me a salary, for a long time. I’ve worked in the fashion industry long enough to know I won’t earn anything from my business for years.
Being a stay at home mum, or should we say working at home mum, will give me the opportunity to work hard on my designs and (fingers crossed) ship the hundreds of orders I get in the first month; optimistic I know *winks*.
If my husband allows it, I think I’ll stick to being a stay at home mum. I get Mondays and Thursdays to work on the blog and my brand (we decided to keep Lamb in nursery 1 day a week as he loves it so much).
Soon I’ll have another little person to look after, so I’d be on maternity leave anyway. Let’s see what I can do with the next 6 months. I’m going to embrace the ‘time’ and see what I can achieve. Who knows, maybe I’ll sell out of my first collection before the baby arrives.
Wouldn’t that be magical. ‘)
What are your thoughts on the working mum/stay at home mum debate (if there even is a debate)? Have you experienced either/both?
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It sounds like you have completely taken to the roll of being a stay-at-home mum. And I am so pleased to hear that you are really happy. It sounds like you have lots of exciting plans on the horizon (congrats on baby no. 2). And so life will change again. It is these changes and the fact that the jobs of SAHMs and working mums are so different which makes me believe they can not be compared. They are different. And as women we just have to do what is needed to keep our family functioning. Hugs Mrs H xxxx
Ah wishing you the best of luck with the first collection really hope it does well for you, I have been a SAHM since Maisy was born and in recent months have managed to make everything mummy into my job which I love! I love working at home around the girl definitely feel more stable now I am working too! x
It IS a huge change! I’m glad you’ve adapted well. I’m also a stay at home mum and I DO have days where I think “I wish I was back at work” it is hard but I do enjoy being a stay at home mum, which is a 24/7 job in itself. I am glad you’re enjoying it 🙂 I bet you’ll achieve a fair bit in that 6 months. xx
It must have been a huge change for you but I’m so glad you’ve adapted well and are a lot happier now too! Good luck with your new clothing line, I wish you every success! 🙂 xx
I’m sorry you had that happen. It sounds like a huge change for you, not only having to make the change but also dealing with the shock of the redundancy. Well done for adapting so brilliantly though!! You’ve so much to be proud of, I hope you enjoy being a SAHM x
Interesting post, I was a part time Head of Dept teaching sociology for a long time. Last year I decided to leave teaching and I dont miss it. I have three children and now I dont juggle so many balls – life is infinitely better.
I currently work part time and have a Wednesday off and I do rush to cram in so much on those days. Usually seeing people & taking Ava out & about. It’s always pretty manic. I do think working part time gives me a balance that I’ve been grateful for, before Ava starts school full time in September xx
Well done to you and I wish you every success! It’s all hard isn’t it, we have to do what feels right for us, Kaz x
I work full time. Ideally I’d love to work 1 day less but I don’t want to lose the money, given I took a large paycut to take this job. But although I could cope with the child part of being a SAHM, I couldn’t cope with the expectation of having to do everything in the house. And not having the money to go out and do what we wanted, when we wanted to. The upside would be seeing more of friends. Obviously N’s at school now, so I’d be bored stiff if I wasn’t working.
I’m sorry to hear about your redundancy but I’m so glad you’re making things work for you. I went back to work when my eldest was three months. It was too soon and I only lasted six weeks before I got a working from home job. When my youngest came along, I decided to stay working from home but go freelance and I just love it. I’ll never go back to ‘normal’ work now, I want to be with my children as much as I can while they’re young, it passes way too quickly.x
Loved reading this. I think it is easy for us all to feel we have it tougher – either being a SAHM or a working mother – but just as you said each has its pros and cons. So happy to hear that things are settling well for you and I really can’t wait to see your clothing line!! X
I’ve done both and found being a SAHM hardest BUT I am happiest. Like you say life is what you make of it. Good luck with your clothing range, I am excited to see your new business grow!
Great post. Sounds like you have done very well adapting into the role of stay at home Mum. I am a stay at home Mum through both choice but also as nursery fees are rediculas as well.
Honey, it sounds like you’ve done amazingly well at adapting to being a stay-at-home mum so be proud of yourself. You’ve got passion and experience so i’ve no doubt your clothing line will be a huge success, have faith xx
I think it’s great that you have a comparison for people to read. I think you’ve done so well adapting I can only imagine how hard its been with the shock of being made redundant then going to being at home all the time. I think everyones situations are so different. I never know where I stand as I’m a bit of an inbetweener but everyone adapts and copes for what they need too. A lovely honest post Alex xx
Glad that you have adjusted fine and not struggled as you imagined you might. I do not yet have kids so not even sure what would work for me.
I love the honesty in your post and I think you have to do what works for you. I am sure we all have opinions on being a SAHM and then those mum’s who work x
It is down to the individual and their families. One thing that suits one family wont suit another. I don’t think there is no right or wrong answer but doing what is best for you 🙂
Gemma xx
What a hard thing to happen, sorry it was so sudden too!! Suddenly everything changes and less money, it’s the last thing you need when you have kids! I have always planned to be a sahm, I couldn’t ever imagine myself leaving Abbie to work and potentially missing out on the big things she does as she grows up, so until she’s at school I will be here with her every step of the way :), I feel like they are only little once, and I want to spend as much time with her as I can, especially because I’m only having the one 🙂 x
Well done for adapting to the changes so quickly. I know you were a little worried when you found out you were being made redundant. I too find being a stay at home mum (although i was still working from home) much easier now that i’m back at work even if its just 16 hours those two days are so rushed! You never know where your clothing line will take you and I think it will be a huge success xx
Well done for the adaptation. I became a working mum when P1 was 10months and didn’t stop work until I had P2. Now it terrifies me to think of a time I may have to go out of the house to work. I don’t want to leave my girls.
Great post and so honest. Being a stay at home mum can be bloody hard but like you so rightly said so can being a working mum! I personally have chosen to stay at home for my two boys. At times I have struggled with the decision and wished I was back at work, worrying about a future career BUT now that I have my blog to work on and challenge me I am comfortable with my decision to stay at home (at least for the time being!) Good luck with baby no 2 and your new clothes line:)
Okay.. I have been a full-time working mum (1 child), working mum with small business (spending more money than selling but loved it), SAHM with 1 child on Maternity Leave (no small business or work) and then now Working-at-Home Mother (Blogging & Website Manager) with 2 children. I love being at home with my children but having more than 1 child does make things a little more tricky. At the moment, it is hard to find a moment during the day when at least 1 of my children does not need my attention. I would love to re-open my business but am struggling with keep up with my blogging/vlogging. I have moments loving the precious time I have with my children and then moments of just wishing for a moment to write an email without constantly being interrupted.
You probably have checked this but do you need anymore weeks of employment to qualify for Maternity Allowance? I needed a couple more weeks to receive Maternity Allowanae for my son so I worked a temporary contract for a couple months. I also had to shut-down (limited to 10 KIT/selling days) my small business while collecting Maternity Allowance.
You are doing great and I am sure that you will figure it all out. I think every Mother works hard and deserves respect no matter if they are working outside the home or around the home. xoxox
Well done you for adapting so well. It’s good that you have another project to focus on as well as your blog.
I went from working a very full time role as a project manager to a part time, work at home coordinator for the same company. The rest of the time I look after my daughter and I have a little one on the way. My plan, when baby is born, will be to take maternity leave and then be a proper full time mummy. My daughter will start school September 2016 so that relieves the pressure slightly!!
In terms of money making, I’ve always had a better then average wage and not earning anything will be hard so I have a few ideas up my sleeve of things I can progress whilst I’m a stay at home mum. Either way it’s a new adventure and I’m looking forward to it. Best wishes xx