A question that goes through most parents minds is “when should we try for another?” Well, it certainly goes through my mind. Lamb is 18 months and by now a lot of new mums are pregnant with their second baby, or may already have a second child. Not us. We are really scared about having another. Not because we don’t enjoy being parents, not because we don’t love having Lamb, but because of the financial implications, and the time needed to raise 2 children.
Since Jaxson came along we have completely exhausted our savings. There’s nothing left. Nothing. I work part time, and Joe works nights. I’m not going to lie, we struggle. But who doesn’t? Joe earns a decent wage. He covers the mortgage and the bills. I cover everything from groceries to clothes and nappies for Lamb, but we still have little money left at the end of the month, certainly nothing to save. So what will we use when I’m on maternity leave again? This scares me.
We live in a small(ish) 2 bed semi, so we certainly don’t have the bedroom space for another. This is a key factor for us when deciding on baby number 2. We want to be settled in a home we know is big enough for our whole family (whenever we decided to expand it). Ideally I would like a 4 bedroom house. But now I’m working part-time, I’m not sure we will get a big enough mortgage. So our second option is extending. We have to space to extend, but do we really want to live on a building site with a toddler? Ugh.
A second baby is definitely in our future, we are just not sure how soon. I always said I would try when my first is around 2 years old, but parenting has hit me harder than I thought it would, making my decision to have another a bit scary.
Lamb is amazing. He’s so funny and caring, he’s shy but polite and comes out of his shell eventually. But he can be quite difficult. He doesn’t eat. He’s a huge fussy eater, and now he won’t sleep. This has thrown a spanner in the works. The thought of having a newborn up late, plus a toddler refusing to go to bed put shivers down my spine. I want to give Jaxson my full attention, and crack down on his eating and sleeping, before he has to share me with a younger sibling. He deserves that.
However, with all that said, Joe and I both had the “let’s try for another” thought yesterday. Separately. Which shows we are on the same page.
We have both agreed we don’t want to leave it too long before trying. We want Jaxson to be young enough to bond with his sibling and be able to eventually share the same things.
If you have read my previous blog posts, you will know I’m getting married in December. This gives us a couple of months free of “baby no.2.” Basically, no thinking about when to start trying can happen until next year (I have a very tight dress to fit into!)
After the wedding we can sit down and really think about the pros and cons to trying for another baby. When the right time is for us, although is there really a right time to try?
Are we going to look at moving into a bigger house early next year? This would make me feel more comfortable about trying for another baby.
Or, by next year will Lambs fussy eating have improved, and will he be sleeping in his own room again?
Personally, I feel one of these should happen before we have another baby.
I’d love to know your thoughts on trying for another baby. Did you sit and think things through like me? Or was it something that just came naturally at the right time?
Alex x
We can’t afford another until Zach is heading to school age so it’ll be next year when we start trying. It’s horrible having to plan it to a t but like you, we just can’t do it any earlier! I have no idea either what will happen when I’m on maternity leave but we’ll cope – we both want another one and I don’t want Zach to be an only child so we’ll definitely cope!! #Sundaystars
I think it’s sensible to plan. We can barely pay the bills after my hubby was made redundant so it would be stupid to try for another. I think we will try when lamb is 3 1/2 x
Ooh, there is never a right time is there? But whenever it happens you will make it so it is the right time for you.
Lots of luck and thanks for linking up with #SundayStars
We have the same housing issue, while we have room to extend, it will mean living on a building site for a while (plus having to wait to get the money together to extend etc). All these issues never came up with baby one, but I think by the second baby you’re more aware of what they cost! x
You think about so much more with baby no.2 don’t you! We always knew the house was too small for a big family, but we naively thought they could share a room. Oh were we wrong! X
I’ve always heard there’s never a right time to have a baby, but I agree I don’t want to jump into it either. Our wedding is booked for next October so we’ll be trying around this time next year. 2/3 year age gap seems perfect to us 🙂 xx
There isn’t a right time is there (especially if you’ve booked your wedding like us!) We will probably start trying next summer, then Jaxson will be 3 when the next baby arrives. He can go to nursery 2/3 days a week and I will have time with the newborn xx
Hi Alex,
Its so refreshing to read things that other parents think but just don’t say out loud. I wouldn’t normally comment but I wanted to say your doing a great thing.
We have the second baby chat alllllll the time. Lottie is two next week so we question if we should get a wiggle on. We have the financial conversation so often too. I made the mistake of watching that awful documentary about people who have 10plus kids but claim all off the government & joke about ‘having another’. We are clearly just too responsible!! We have just been through the stressful process of selling our house, moving into temporary rented until we found our new house which means we have the room (buying and selling sucks and I dislike estate agents more than before!) However having number two scares me too, if it happens im sure it will all work out. If your anything like me, its harder than you imagined so the thought of two is scary… it will work out however. Its the most amazing job in the world but one that makes you question yourself daily I find. For me the idea of having one child scares me more I think. Oh the worry that comes with being a mummy & daddy. It sounds like your doing a great job by the way. The eating thing Is very common, however my friends have children who eat EVERYTHING. We just got back from holiday & our meal times weren’t much fun! I have decided that food really doesn’t excite her like it does some people. However she is chatty, clever, full of energy and love so it clearly isn’t doing her any harm. As my mum said the other day ‘children don’t starve themselves.’
Thinking number two through thoroughly is just the responsible thing to do. Ax
Hey hun, thanks so much for your comment. Writing these sorts of posts always worries me as I don’t want the wrong reactions. Thanks for your honest reply 🙂 Jaxson is the same, chatty, clever and full of energy even though he hardly eats anything! He’s just not that bothered about food! Unlike his mum! We had the second baby chat again the other night. Joe wants to try sooner than I thought, he’s decided he doesn’t want to get past the ‘baby’ stage with Jaxson and then have to do it all over again, he would rather each baby flows into the next! I get where he’s coming from. It definitely won’t be until next year though! Anyway, I’m glad thinking responsibly about this stuff isn’t abnormal lol. I hope Lottie has a fab 2nd birthday! Alex xx
I personally think there’s never a right time to try. Jaxson is a good age and the time u actually start trying and go the full pregnancy he will be a different kid I promise u, he will be in pre school most prob and things like sleeping and eating should defo of clicked into place. I always knew I wanted mine fairly close but not to close I always wanted my first out of nappies in a bed etc and I did all that. I found out I was pregnant on Jaxsons 2nd birthday and for me there gap is absolutely perfect. Loved my time with jax but then he trotted off to preschool three full days an I had one on one again with no2!!!! Good luck with the wedding enjoy that babe and ten go for it lol
Thanks Hun. Joe and I have both found parenting quite stressful due to Jaxsons eating and sleeping, which has made us worry about the second baby. But you’re right, Jaxson will be a different person by the time baby no.2 arrives. Personally, I’ve struggled emotionally also so I want to make sure I’m ready for that extra responsibility. I suppose you do just have to go for it! Xx