I’ve been a WAHM and blogger for around 4 and a half years now and feel like I’ve established a really genuine, real, and honest following. Just like me I suppose!
I try not to sugar coat what I write about; what I share with you. My paid work is honest and slotted into my feed naturally (I hope!) and I share parts of my life in the hope of supporting just one other parent out there. Giving them a boost to know they’re not alone in the mayhem of motherhood.
This brings me on to a recent post I shared on Instagram and Facebook. A post filled with honesty.
You all know I have a pretty hectic life. I work from home running Lamb & Bear, working on paid/unpaid campaigns and projects. As well as my own posts, updating you all on what we’re up to, how we’re feeling etc. I run my small business, Ada & Alfred, by myself. Designing, marketing, packing orders, admin. All of it. So it’s inevitable that cracks will begin to form.
We all crumble at times.
In this post I spoke about how I’m struggling to juggle it all and how I’m desperate to get into a better work/home routine. The boys haven’t been going to bed until 9/10pm, and of course it’s been the school holidays, so my working hours have been reduced dramatically.
My working hours. No one else’s.
I shared how I was feeling with you to show you that us ‘influencers’ (cringe) don’t have these perfect lives. We are real people with real emotions. We have struggles beyond what you see on ‘the grid’.
The post in question received an array of support and kindness towards my struggles. And I’m truly grateful to everyone who gave me a pat on the back for how much I’ve taken on in the last few years. Your words genuinely keep me going.
A few comments (which were in no way negative and were most definitely written as support) got me thinking about working mums and the pressures that come with it.
You’re expected to get back to work; provide for your family. Yet, you’re doused in guilt because you’re leaving your babies.
A couple of people suggested I give up working, as I clearly have too much going on and “somethings got to give”.
I was a little shocked if I’m honest. Shocked that the solution should be giving up. Giving up on everything I had worked for; blood, sweat and tears. Lots of tears.
Yes I’m a mother, yes my children will only be young once. But I’m also an adult, a female, a person. I am more than a mother. I am me.
I’ve put my career on hold for a few years now. After being made redundant when I was 9 weeks pregnant with Bear I chose to stay at home and grow my brand around my parenting duties, allowing my husband to start a new career after also being made redundant in the same year. Yeah, luck was totally on our side that year…
He’s now a qualified electrician and I’m incredibly proud of him. He’s got to start again after redundancy and we’re slowly getting back on track.
But what about me?
Why should I give up trying to have my own career because I’m a mother? I am not solely responsible for our children, it is a joint effort.
Yes my husband provides for us financially, but guess what? I’d like to do that too.
It saddens me that a solution to my problems with being a work at home mum, is to simply give up. Put work on hold and just be with my babies.
For me that’s absolutely not an option. They’re 5 and 2 and I’ve done my ‘maternity leave’.
What about suggesting the childcare is spread a little more between both parents? I don’t know, maybe my partner could finish work early 1 day a week and be at the school gate to pick up Lamb. Allowing me to actually work a full day and not just during school hours.
Or, I leave him to deal with bedtime and I head out somewhere to work, undisturbed.
You know what, I bet there’s thousand of dads who are equally frustrated about the lack of flexibility in the workplace. Dads who’d love to take on some of the childcare and allow their partners to get back into work. Dads who’d love to be more hands on.
But sadly, the working environment rarely encourages this.
I know the comments about giving up weren’t meant to offend, but in all honesty they did sting a little. It just reminded me how much a mother’s career isn’t prioritised. That I’m a work at home mum, but expected to do every school run, pack every lunch box, iron every school shirt. (Yeah right, as if I iron!)
You get the idea.
So although your suggestion of putting my ‘work’ on hold might of come from a kind place, maybe think about how much emotion, time, and tears someone has put into their ‘work’ before simply telling them to give it up. Also, you know, bills and stuff.
Being a mother is so much more than being ‘present’. The way I want my boys to see me is exactly how I grew up seeing my own mother.
Intelligent, independent and most importantly inspiring.
She was the first person in our family to gain a degree from university. I was the second.
She juggled her university work with 3 young children at home and passed with flying colours. Then went on to become a wonderful teacher, able to gain the trust and respect of both her colleagues and pupils.
She succeeded.
It can’t of been easy, but she did it and she inspired me.
Here I am, a degree under my belt, 2 young children and a self-employed business owner.
It’s not easy, but do you think I should just give all of that up because I’m struggling?
Or should I power through, seek a little more support and come up with a plan that means I can continue with my career and hopefully show my sons that the women of the world can provide too. And not that women are just meant for the home.
You know, if we told all working mums to give up when things got too much, we’d end up with a world dominated by powerful men and inequality.
Oh wait…
~A~
Annette, 3 Little Buttons says
I don’t think we should ever (deliberately) give up on our dreams – especially when you’ve got them in your hands. It can be so hard juggling everything – but when you’ve found the career that makes you feel alive – it wouldn’t be right to throw it all away. You’re doing brilliantly… and only you will know how much sacrifice is worth it x
Hello@allaboutamummy.co.uk says
Working from home and juggling freelancing and my blog with family life is a bloody nightmare. I had it out with my husband a few months back and he has been trying to take on a bit more responsibility, but ultimately the kids still fall majority with me, and you are right, I’m the one who has to make the majority of the sacrifices. I want to be a positive role model for my daughters, I want to show them they can be whatever they want to be not what society tells them, but I do sometimes wonder that in an attempt to ‘have it all’ we have stretched ourselves so thin we aren’t doing any of it well. Everything suffers, corners get cut on it all. As you can tell once been thinking about this so much lately.
Kaz Dee says
I think you are doing great – we started blogging at roughly the same time and I still love it. Do what makes your heart sing! Kaz
mommamack15 says
Great post. I think each parent has to make a decision based on what is best for them, their family and also their financial situations. I think it’s great that you have an opportunity to work doing something that you love, what a great lesson to share with your children.
Emma says
I love, love, love this post. I feel exactly the same right now. My mum did the same as yours and I’ve always admired how she manage to get her degree and train to be a teacher with two young children. My dad was absolutely amazing and stepped up with childcare and running if the house so she could concentrate on her studies and career. He went back to college too, and achieved 3 a levels. I’m in awe of them both! I too was made redundant during pregnancy so decided to pursue my freelance career. It pays more than my previous job but people don’t take it seriously so suggest I quit when I struggle to get everything done. Dads should be given the flexibility so they can support on the school run etc. I sometimes feel like we’ve stepped back in our attitudes toward working women rather than progressing forward.
Jenni says
I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve just went back to work earlier this year, after having my second child. My son was 3.5 by then – it had taken me almost 2.5 years to find a new job (I was on a fixed term contract before, which had run out). Several times people told me, if it’s that hard to find work why don’t you just stay at home with the kids!
lifeasmrsb (@lifeas_mrsb) says
I work in a school working school hours because my husband works such long hours. Plus I want to work, to allow my kids to see that i can earn a living too. It can be really hard as a working mum, there just aren’t enough hours in the day but i couldn’t not work, i’m far too independent and i like to earn my money. I feel bad for my hubby as he misses out on the kids but at the moment there isn’t a option for change.
Anosa - MyrabevLife says
I personally think if you can find balance or a way that works for you giving up shouldn’t be an option but for others it just might be the best option.
lambandbear says
Yes I agree, each person is different and they know what is right for them, but my initial post was about finding a better balance, so there was no need to be told to give up if you know what I mean? x
Talya says
I can’t believe someone would suggest you should give up like it’s just a hobby or something – I mean people wouldn’t dare to suggest giving up on the workplace would they? I am totally behind you on this.
lambandbear says
Thank you! I didn’t want to come across the wrong way, but just because I work from home and I’m trying to grow my own business it shouldn’t be any less important than an employed role. It really felt like the insane amount of hard work I’ve put into what I do doesn’t count as ‘work’. xx