Tomorrow I will be 26 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. Lamb’s baby brother. My second son.

Something that’s been playing on my mind recently is preparing Lamb for the new arrival. He’s quite a sensitive chap, and loves his mummy cuddles. Honestly, there are days when we snuggle on the sofa for hours and don’t even get dressed. I love that side of him. However, soon I will have a teeny tiny human to take care of and my solo time with Lamb will be limited. Unfortunately, feeding, changing and comforting baby will have to take priority while he is newborn. I’m just going to have to accept that, as difficult as it might feel.

Sharing mummy might not come easy to Lamb. Or, it might be a breeze and he will happily play with his Avenger Potato Heads to occupy himself. We just don’t know.

Well after a few weeks of worrying about the big change that’s soon to happen to our family, I decided to buy Lamb a dolly. His very own baby to take care of.

I talked to him about it first, asked him if he wanted one. Like with any toy, I’m not going to force it on him. If he liked the idea of having his own baby then he could have one. If he said no I wasn’t going to waste my money.

Turns out he loved the idea and we talked about how he would give his baby a “bot bot” and “dodo”  – dodo is his name for a dummy.

So off we went to B&M Bargains. We picked up a baby boy dolly with a few accessories for £6.99, a changing bag filled with bottles etc for £3.99 and some more bits for £1.99. For just over £10 we got him everything he needed to learn how to be a big brother.

I can’t tell you how cute Lamb is with his dolly. He’s so gentle, every morning gives him his bottle and a cuddle. We’ve shown him how to change his nappy, sit him on the potty and put him to bed. He’s even started looking after the dolly’s at nursery and telling everyone it’s his baby brother.

Unfortunately, dolls are still seen as girls toys. Yet, you wouldn’t look twice at a girl playing with a train track. When we got to B&M Bargains everything was pink and ‘girly’. I don’t actually mind that, Lamb likes pink! Having said that, if he was a little older, he may not want pink toys. Unfortunately we can’t control these gender stereotypes.

If my first born was a girl she may already have a dolly, or 3 or 4. She would most likely already know how to hold her baby, give it a bottle, push it in a pram. But sons aren’t exposed to this as naturally. Unless, as parents we choose not to follow the stereotypes, and that is exactly how I want to raise my son.

Luckily we found a boy baby. If Lamb was having a sister, he would of got a girl baby, but he’s not, he’s having a brother, so the doll needed to be a boy. Yes, this means a blue sleep suit or blue clothing, but he’s only 3 (as of next month), and right now he I just want him to know the baby is a boy, and that means blue.

What shocked me about the dolly was ‘the bits’ or lack of. You see, Lambs boy dolly doesn’t have a ‘winky’ (that’s what Lamb calls it) and he noticed that himself. “No winky mummy” he said.

No matter how hard we try to eliminate these gender stereotypes, society seems to get in the way and ruin it for us. Is it offensive to have a small ‘thing’ between the dolls legs to show he’s a boy? I mean, seriously, it doesn’t have to be graphic.

I remember having dolls with obvious girly bits, so why not boy bits? I’m sure some dollies have them, but the boy baby we bought doesn’t. He’s completely smooth, and confusing, even for a 3 year old.

So you see, however hard we try to teach our children to make their own choices, be who they want to be, something will get in the way. I wanted my son to have a baby boy dolly. A dolly that would teach him about having a baby brother. A baby he could take care of when I’m taking care of mine. Yet someone made the choice to stop that doll being a boy. It’s not a boy, it’s just a doll, one that happens to be wearing blue.

In spite of the ‘bits’ problem, I’m so happy with my choice of buying Lamb his own dolly. Boys naturally like superheroes, trains and cars (well, not all of them of course, but you know what I mean). Lamb is obsessed with the Hulk and wants to smash everything. That’s cool, as long as he’s not smashing anything important. Having his baby is teaching him about playing gently, not everything needs fists.

When the baby arrives I hope Lamb will accept him with open arms, but this may not be the case. I’m hoping he will feed the doll when I’m feeding the baby. Bath the doll when I’m bathing the baby. I want to include him as much as possible.

So why did I buy my son a dolly?

Why not?

Ax

You may have seen my previous post on my attempt to ditch Lambs dummy. If you didn’t, then you can read it here.

As mentioned in my previous post the universe took control of the situation and gave me no choice but to ditch Lambs dummy.

It’s now been over a week since we ditched the dummy and I am so, so, so happy to say we are completely dummy free!

Lamb has mentioned his dummy literally 3 or 4 times over the past week, but not at bedtime when you would most expect it. He actually asked for it during the day with a little smile on his face knowing he was being cheeky. He’s such a monkey!

I’d love this post to be super informative on how to help your little one ditch their dummy, but it’s really down to you and your child.

I’m going to share a few tips on how I got Lamb to ‘let it go’ and hope to give you a little inspiration if you’re ready to ditch the dummy.

1. Be prepared. If I’m honest I think I was attached to Lambs dummy too. It was the one thing that was keeping him as my baby. I relied on it during tantrums. I relied on it for long journeys. I relied on it to keep him quiet. But that’s wrong. He’s not a baby, he’s almost 3, and we always said we wanted it gone by the age of 3. Having said that, it really is important that you’re prepared for the challenge ahead when ditching the dummy. You need to be ready for the challenge.
2. Build up to it. I’m not one for going cold turkey with Lamb. He’s quite sensitive and doesn’t like change. We started talking about him being a big boy and giving his dummies to babies who need them last year. We kept telling him if he left his dummies for Father Christmas on Christmas Eve he would take them and replace them with treats on the tree. He totally bought this and loved the concept. Turns out we completely forgot to do it, hence why he was still using a dummy this year! However, when it came to ditching the dummy last week he actually remembered what I said about Father Christmas and kept telling people Santa had taken his dummies for the babies. So, I think it’s really important to talk about being without a dummy. Find a way of getting your little one to understand they don’t need it anymore.
3. Don’t look back. Once you decide to go for it then stick to the plan. If you give in then you’ll lack control with your little one. We all know how controlling our kids can be – any sign of weakness and they know we will crack! Trust me I’ve had 2 years dealing with an extremely fussy eater who had won me over for a packet of crisps many times!
4. Throw them away! Luckily for us Lamb found ditching his dummy pretty easy – which was a huge shock to us, trust me. He went from having it during the day and the night (he didn’t just have it at bedtime like a lot of toddlers), to it being gone for good. You might have more of a challenge than us and be tempted to give in to to demands when your little one is pouring their heart out for what comforts them the most. If you don’t have a dummy in the house, then you can’t give in!
5. Praise them. Every time Lamb sees someone new I get him to tell them why he’s such a big boy. He goes on to tell them he’s doesn’t have a dummy anymore and Santa gave them to the babies who need them. Doing this puts a smile on his face when he’s praised for being a big boy. Encouragement is key.

I hope you’ve found these tips useful. I honestly can’t believe how easy it was for us to ditch the dummy. He’s always been so attached to it, we thought it would be the most difficult part of parenting! But it goes to show, with a little encouragement and persistence it can be done!

Good luck if you’re starting your dummy ditch journey!

Ax